the poetrysheet
whimsy, subversion, bowling
Number 499, May 21, 2004
Joseph Bruchac (1942-
)
“My mother and father had families bigger than those
two of mine back in the Old World—and of course their relatives back there were
blood relatives. They lost their
blood relatives to a massacre by the Turkish Empire of about one million of its
Armenian citizens, who were thought to be treacherous for two reasons: first
because they were clever and educated, and second because so many of them had
relatives on the other side of Turkey’s border with its enemy, the Russian
Empire.
“It was an age of Empires. So is this one, not all
that well disguised.”
—Kurt
Vonnegut, Bluebeard
From Johnny and Clyde, or The Marriage of J. Edgar
A play in three acts, by Rev.
Patrick Dobson and Stan Henry
ACT 2, SCENE 1
Scene starts with J. Edgar’s secretary HELEN GANDY
in her living room phoning gangster MEYER LANSKY in his living room. J. Edgar’s
lover and second in command, Clyde Tolson, has just delivered GANDY a stack of
wedding invitations. After a long argument/discussion in Act One, Tolson has
convinced J. Edgar to marry him after years of promising to do so.
GANDY:
Meyer, honey, this is Helen. Helen Gandy.
LANSKY:
Well, hello, Miss Gandy, how’s life at the Company?
Keeping everyone in line.
GANDY:
As always.
LANSKY:
It’s good to hear. You know, me and the boys
sometimes think things’re getting’ a little shaky at the top.
GANDY:
The Company’s gotten pretty big, you know, but we’re
on track. Someone has to make sure everything is rock solid.
LANSKY:
A pillar. That’s what you are. All that Catholic
schoolin’ll do it ya.
GANDY:
It’s served me well.
LANSKY:
And the nation. We wouldn’t be where we are without
you.
GANDY:
Well, you know, some people think we wouldn’t be
where we are without them.
LANSKY:
Without him, in particular, ya mean.
GANDY:
Indeed. At least that’s what he’s made everyone
think.
LANSKY:
Behind every man…
GANDY:
How ‘s your wife, Teddy, and the kids?
LANSKY:
Same as always. Keepin’ me busy between runnin’ the
operation. But it’s good to come home at night, tuck the kids in. Sit down to
the papers with Teddy. Hey, I got a new operation in Havana, the Hotel Nacional.
GANDY:
Expanding all the time, I see.
LANSKY:
Capital interests tend to wither if they
don’t grow.
GANDY:
Well, I’m glad to hear your investments
are doing well.
LANSKY:
We owe it all to you, Helen. After all,
the pictures, the tapes, all the materials you get to Costello.
GANDY:
Number One and Number Two provide the raw
material. I’m just the conduit. You help me as much as I help you. You know
that. The nation’s morality is what we’re protecting, after all. Appearances
mean everything.
LANSKY:
Yes they do. Yes they do. Speakin’ a
that, I’m talkin’ to Ginger Rogers to open when we get the Nacional remodel
done in ’57.
GANDY:
Number One would be thrilled if you’d invite him and
Ginger’s mom.
LANSKY:
Put both of ‘em on the floor of the Nacional. What’ll
Mama Tolson think?
GANDY:
You know. Jealous as always. But Meyer, listen,
that’s why I call.
LANSKY:
About Number Two?
GANDY:
It looks like Number Two’s finally going to get his
way.
LANSKY:
No kidding.
GANDY:
I just sent the invitations out today.
LANSKY:
Who to?
GANDY:
Just about everybody. Number Two even had me use
material from the D-List File.
LANSKY:
So they want to keep it hush-hush.
GANDY:
They have to.
LANSKY:
Whatdya think?
GANDY:
I think I’ve been with Number One too many years to
see this sort of thing happen. Even the best security has leaks. Always does.
Imagine what it’ll do to our country if it gets out that he and Number Two were
hitched.
LANSKY:
Every pervert from here to Kingdom Come…
GANDY:
That’s right. The institution of marriage’ll be
finished. It’ll never be safe for white, healthy men and women again. Ever.
LANSKY:
Undone by love.
GANDY:
Indeed.
LANSKY:
But you sent the invites.
GANDY:
Just like everything, I’ve got to let him think it’s
his idea.
LANSKY:
But you want to stop it. Whatdya want me to do?
GANDY:
That’s to your discretion. But I suggest a visit.
LANSKY:
To Number One at the Company?
GANDY:
During business hours. Nothing too rough. Remind him
of a few things.
LANSKY:
All right, then.
GANDY:
And maybe spread the word around. Bring some presents
to the ceremony. I’ll send a copy of the invitation.
LANSKY:
You’ll take care of Number Two?
GANDY:
Just
like I always take care of Number One.
GANDY hangs up the phone. LANSKY hangs up briefly
and calls FRANK COSTELLO.
COSTELLO (with heavy New York accent):
Yeah, Frank Costello here.
LANSKY:
We got a situation at the Company, Prime Minister.
COSTELLO:
Don’ tell me. One of our racetrack boys didn’t give
the old man a hot one?
LANSKY:
No, not at all. The queers’re getting’ hitched.
COSTELLO:
Jesus. After all these years.
LANSKY:
Gandy called. Wants us to visit the old man.
COSTELLO:
We gonna stop him?
LANSKY:
No. Gandy’s gonna handle Mama Tolson.
COSTELLO:
Handle ‘im?
LANSKY:
Yeah, take ‘im outta the picture.
COSTELLO:
Boldacious move.
LANSKY:
Bodacious. You workin’ on your vocabulary again.
COSTELLO:
Yeah. Thirty Days to a Better Vocabulary. Read about it in the Reader’s Digest. The old lady got it for me.
LANSKY:
Anyway, I think you wanna say takin’ Clyde out is a
bold move.
COSTELLO:
Somethin’ a little grander than that.
LANSKY:
Maybe audacious.
COSTELLO:
Yeah. Maybe that. Anyway. It’s a big thing for her.
LANSKY:
She’s good.
COSTELLO:
If it wasn’t for her, we wouldn’t be in business. But
without Mama, where are we?
LANSKY:
She’s got a plan, she says.
COSTELLO:
Been her plan all along.
LANSKY:
Good enough for me.
COSTELLO:
Me,
too, I suppose. What do we do?
LANSKY:
She thinks we just need to remind the old man of a
few things.
COSTELLO:
Bring somma the boys?
LANSKY:
No, not to the Company. Gandy says go during business
hours. Just you and me. Bring some of the file.
COSTELLO (picks up a file off his lamp table
and pages through it):
Got it right here. Makes interesting reading.
LANSKY:
Any copies besides yours and mine?
COSTELLO:
All of us got a copy. Bosses, anyway. Joey Bonnano,
Fratianno.
LANSKY:
Jimmy the Weasel?
COSTELLO:
Yeah.
LANSKY:
Awright, call them guys. Tell ‘em to get some good
gifts.
COSTELLO:
What? We’re goin’? To the conjugation?
LANSKY:
Sure, we’re goin’.
COSTELLO:
To a weddin’ that ain’t happenin’. It’ll be a gas.
When’s it goin’ down?
LANSKY:
She’s gettin’ word to me now.
COSTELLO:
So, household stuff? Popcorn makers, toasters, and
stuff.
LANSKY:
Yeah, yeah. Silver candle sticks, blenders, spoons,
you know.
COSTELLO:
Everything a married couple’s gonna need to set up
house.
LANSKY:
Exactly.
COSTELLO:
I’ll jingle the Weasel right now.
LANSKY:
Don’t hurt yaself.
volcano
seam in the crust
two plates grind rocky edges
to gritty filings
plumes of ash, steam
lava, water and fire,
crystalline tubes, black glass,
fields of bony sticks
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