the poetrysheet

whimsy, subversion, pinball

Number 509, January 15, 2005

Another shot in the dark.


 

“If, being animal, we ring like guitar strings to nature’s furies, what hope can there be for our ultimate, planned peacefulness?”

—John Graves, Goodbye to a River

 


 

Home

 

At night, as the neighborhood shuts down and goes to sleep, the sounds of movement sweeps in over this small backyard. It is the sound of evolution, exchange, the invisible yet relentless and inescapable forces of society and commerce.

 

This drone of movement actually forms a constant background radiation, an auditorium in which the urban environment hangs its ceaseless mobiles of sound. Only when dogs cease barking, kids stop bouncing basketballs in the schoolyard, and their yells and squeals trip home behind them does this auditory setting become apparent. At regular intervals, small jets, and prop and turboprop planes buzz and hum in low over the oak, elm, and cottonwood into Kansas City’s downtown airport, located just on the other side of this bluff. Locomotives bustle along the tracks in the valley, and their rumbles blend with wind and the whine of tires and engines on the interstate. On the buildings in the West Bottoms, cooling towers hum in a thousands variations, some smooth and simple, others jagged and perverse. Metallic thunder starts near the creek and cracks the length of the valley north as the locomotives set off, pulling against the couplers of three-quarters of a mile or more of stationary freight or coal cars, setting tons of steel and hundreds of wheels in motion.

 

Despite this metropolitan reverberation, a breathlessness dominates this little yard. It sits behind my house in a pass between Observation Hill and Irish Hill near the edge of a bluff. In fact, the base of the incline in my back yard starts upward toward the summit of Irish Hill. The house casts its shadow over the yard and the hill, leaving us free of the acidity of the sodium streetlights out front. On a winter night like tonight the trees in the neighboring lots are bare. The leaves of the sycamores lining the boulevard rattle dry in the wind. It brings my vision to the worlds above—stars bright enough to poke through the light bubble radiating from downtown, the streetlights throwing shadows over the house into grass at the crest of the hill.

 

The stillness makes it seem a place untouched beneath the airplanes, amid the tumult of interstate and railroad. But this land in my yard has, and always has had a relationship with (or set of relations to) the larger world, though it may seem undisturbed. It was both formed by a very real, very human world and helped to shape and change that world. This ground is as much a function of human manipulation and natural forces as the rails, factories, streets, and electric lights I see and hear from it. The social and economic forces of Indian removal, white settlement, immigration, and of urban expansion, decline, and renewal have worked on this piece of land, and it has worked on them. This elliptical relationship, in turn, has determined the meaning and form of this land, the human decisions that create and devolve neighborhoods, and even my coming to have a house this most recent incarnation of the community.

 

More importantly, the hill will help to determine what I do with it, and in the process of changing it—even thinking about it—it will change me. At bottom, there is something irreducibly natural—plants, rain, sun, wind, animals, dirt, rock. In relation to the houses around it, it is distant, stationary, unchanging, almost as if the glacial loess and limestone bedrock on which it stands has shielded it from change. I’ll only ever see or participate in a fraction of the yard’s human and ecological history, be one player in a cast of many millions. But already it’s started to re-form me, even as I think about rebuilding it. And when I begin to impose my will upon it, it will build in me more than muscle and callus. It will change my personality.

 

I look at the backyard everyday from my bedroom window, and mine is not just a glance. Rather, it is a conscious consideration. What I perceive—house, topography, neighborhood, and a hundred other cultural constructs—is my home, and my home has a place in time and history. But home has a whole lot more to do with workings of a society and the intersection of cultures than my individual feelings. And when I consider this ground with the steep incline, I think of the people who used to live here, who shaped and used the ground for their own purposes, and who may very well have felt about this ground the same way I do now.

 


 

 

 

Stone on stone

Soon a wall

A terrace

A garden

Human, earth

Heaven, sun

Grown to one

 


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