the poetrysheet
whimsy, subversion, bowling
Number 471, Feb. March 3, 2004
Claribel Alegría (1924- )
"I cackled out like a chicken, with
the wild laughter of strain; it did feel extraordinarily funny to be so cursed
just as I had been pluming myself on having bettered the apparently
hopeless."
—T.E. Lawrence (1888-1935), The Seven
Pillars of Wisdom
I’m sick of all the racism and elitism that surrounds
me. I’m speaking, of course, about my two dogs, Nigel and Devo.
I want them to defend my home and family from
potentially dangerous people, not my neighbors and friends. But they even bark
at the neighbors we share a backyard with if they happen to have the audacity
to cross my front gate.
The list of people and things they hate is
embarrassing: Latinos, Whites who smell funny, Blacks with kids, anyone with a
dog, the mailman, bikes, all children, roller blades, scooters, and more. When
they bark at passersby, I’m happy they are guarding the house—as dogs will
do—but the level of intensity is primitive and ridiculous when another dog is
present or when other mysterious criteria are met.
When out on a leash, however, my dogs love everyone
(provided they pass the butt-smell test).
There are two really disturbing elements to their
madness. First, I swear I haven’t influenced them in their hatred. I happily
wave to everyone with genuine cheer. I humor the homeless and apologize to
everyone for my dog’s bad behavior all the time.
The second disturbing thing about all this is that my
dogs themselves belong to a minority group. As many of you might know, my dogs
are gay. Oh yeah, it is no secret.
My dogs are way gay—not just prison gay, for lack of
women gay—but full-blown canine homosexuals. In fact, Devo gets angry and barks
at passersby, Nigel seizes the distraction and dry-humps Devo like a rabbit.
“He can’t even reach her and he is pumping like a machine,”
the mailman once said.”
“They are both boys,” I said.
The mailman’s eyes widened and he covered his mouth
to stifle a scream.
“That’s right,” I said defensively. “They’re lovers
and since when is love horrible?”
The mailman handed me my mail and wandered away as if
he’d seen a ghost—a really gay
ghost.
At first I thought Devo was merely a victim of
Nigel’s domination needs and didn’t participate. Other soon evidence proved me
wrong. Let’s just say Devo is especially clean, and licks Nigel for an
inappropriate amount of time in areas and ways that are deemed homoerotic by,
at least, the Supreme Court.
But I love them and I accept their choices. Both male
dogs are neutered, so I don’t see any real problem with their lifestyle. Their
prissy walk, and their stereotypical-queen, limp-wristed mannerisms—these are
their crosses to bear. Other dogs may tease them and call them names, but I
support and love them.
No amount of gayness, however, excuses their racism
and hatred of others. Coming out of the closet should open their eyes toward
others that may be persecuted or shunned. I’m working towards modifying that
weakness in their characters—I discuss it with them each time I paint their
nails or tie another salmon-colored ascot accessory.
The obvious lesson here for all of us is simple: You
can’t teach an old gay dog to turn tricks, no…his butch is worse than his bite,
wait…let weeping dogs cry…
What I’m trying to say is, it is okay to be gay in
Cabbagetown, but at least judge not lest ye be judged.
Reverend David DeChant writes
“The Deacon’s Beacon,” for The Cabbagetown Neighbor, and contributes a monthly column to the poetrysheet. As your humble
servant, he is available for guidance and lactation consultation at
404-822-4290 or by E-mail at daviddechant@juno.com.
A small March
By Philip Miller
Who are you
with whom I
heel and toe
against stiff
wind, goose step
ping high, chin
pointed toward
new start, dead-
end who knows
whether, which
will settle
in: more hard
freeze or a
little green?
send short poems, short thoughts, fictions, or
nonfictions to the poetrysheet, where whimsy, subversion, and being ok with gay are
our highest values
submit/whimsy/subversion/bowling/archive
Poetry News!/contact/subscribe
all
material copyright poetrysheet and personally
recommended press, unless otherwise arranged with the authors. for information,
contact rev.
patrick dobson, 1132 e. 65th st., kansas city, mo, 64131,
816-333-7303.